Thursday, March 10, 2016

Learning a new normal...

It has been one week now since my precious girl passed on...and while the grief still takes my breath at times, it is getting easier to bear.  And part of me feels bad about that.  Like I shouldn't have happy moments just yet.

However, in the happy moments, I remember her playfulness...her funny ways.  I smile thinking of how she would have reacted to something or would have liked the tasty treat I fed the others last night.  How she would have sat just behind me waiting patiently for her turn.  And how gently she would have taken it from my hand.

I remember how excited she would get when Jon would come home from work.  Oh, how she loved him!  He was her favorite person.  She would follow him all over the house.  At our Indiana house, she was able to watch for her from the front window...here she is with Phantom, one of our little boys.  Every afternoon they would take up their post, watching for Daddy to come home.


So many little things that keep reminding me of her.  I hope that never stops.  I want to remember all of the good times.  Though it seems way too short, we had ten good years with her.  And she gave us so much love and happiness.  And just like any "kid" she tried my patience at times as well. 

She left us a part of herself in her daughter Keyna and for this I am extremely grateful.  And yet, in some ways it makes it harder.  I see Madden every time I look at Keyna.  I call her Madden by mistake sometimes.  And sometimes I think it is Madden and not Keyna at all that I see.  This probably sounds crazy, but it is how I feel. Here are pictures of the two of them side by side.  Keyna is the top picture and Madden is the bottom one.




So we are learning to live a new normal together, all of us.  The other furbabies have stopped looking for her now...which again is both good and yet sad.  We cannot stay sorrowful forever though.  Madden's middle name was Lailee...it means born in light.  She was light and brought light to everyone who encountered her.  So I intend to look for her now in the light.  I know that is where she resides...along with the space she will forever have in my heart.

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